Why am I Still Here?

I am still here, but on many days I’m not really sure why. I don’t really look forward to the future, and any time I think about how it might be without my wife I want to end it.

I was so alone before I was with my wife, and I don’t want to be that way for the rest of my life. And I can’t bear thinking of being close to another woman. I just want to die.