Despair is the Daily Adversary

I met my wife late in life, but I think that was better for the both of us. We new what we were lacking, and were fortunate to find that in each other.

We were best friends, and closer than I could have ever been with anybody else. And that’s making life difficult now.

I’m not sure I want to be alive any longer. I’m not suicidal, or I don’t think I am. I simply don’t care for life without her.

Sometimes the mood sneaks up on me, and I feel a deep despair. I wail like a baby at the top of my lungs and about the only thing that makes me stop is me looking at the absurdity of it. My wife wouldn’t want me to feel as I do, but I don’t know how to get better, and don’t really want to.

I have good friends that I love deeply, and who are always there for me. I don’t share the depths of my despair with them, but do make sure to let them know when we’re together and I take a sad turn.

I’m so sad. I just wish it was over.